All
the guys who criticize it would have done the same thing but probably
would have died because they don't have the constitution I was cursed
with.
As
kids we're not taught how to deal with success; we're taught how to deal
with failure. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. If at first
you succeed, then what?
Being
on Spin City is a win-win situation for me. If the show doesn't work,
they can't say I didn't take a shot. I can say the show lost its primary
component, America's favorite dude.
Dad
almost died of a heart attack in the middle of making Apocalypse Now,
the biggest movie of his life. It doesn't make you want to jump into
that business.
Dad
kept us out of school, but school comes and goes. Family is forever.
Dad's
time was always strained or in demand. My mom has been the anchor of the
whole group. A very smart, strong, sincere, compassionate lady as we
traveled the world, living in hotel rooms and watching Dad make movies.
Do
a little research on Building Seven. Building Seven lives at the
epicenter of my entire debate. Prove yourself worthy of genuine
investigative journalism. Look at the video evidence.
Fame
is empowering. My mistake was that I thought I would instinctively know
how to handle it. But there's no manual, no training course.
From
when I was 10 to about 16 I saw other people satisfy those appetites,
and I wanted to be not just along for their ride but driving the car.
I
always made friends with the guy who ran the club, because then you
could stay after hours and drink. Then there was always a party that
went to somebody's house in town afterward.
I
dare you to print this email in it's entirety.
I
don't need a leather diaper collection and a lot of fantasies to get
sexual. I think the more props you need, the less you've got going on
with your own sexuality.
I
got tired of feeling like a separatist or an elitist. I wanted to be in
a dressing room next to the other actors, in the mix right there on the
stage.
I
guess I just wanted to be accepted, liked, loved. I wanted respect.
I
guess one of the perks of being President is that you get access to TV
channels that don't exist in the known universe.
I
had plans the day I got off probation, to go to Amsterdam and go on a
whole run. I wanted to control the disease again.
I
heard recently in Jay Leno's monologue that I call myself the Machine.
I've never called myself the Machine. It was a nickname my friends gave
me in the old days because when they were all ready to go home I was
always the last guy standing, insisting that the party continue.
I
just didn't believe I was like everybody else. I thought I was unique.
I
just don't want to live like I used to. And at some point, I'm going to
put a gag order on myself in terms of talking about the past. I've got
to slam the door and deal with the present and the future.
I
knew if I got loaded I was going away for a while. People would say, Oh,
you're just sober because you're on probation.
I
remember thinking and feeling and believing that I was not able to stop,
that I genuinely was incapable of putting an end to this.
I
saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that
funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill.
I
so desperately wanted to be Mr. Somebody. Instead, I was the little
brother, included to a point.
I
still don't have all the answers. I'm more interested in what I can do
next than what I did last.
I
think I have a duty as a recovering guy to help, to make my knowledge of
what I went through accessible.
I
think what drove me insane for a long time is feeling like I hadn't
earned most of what I achieved because it came so fast.
I
try to be known more for my work than for anything else.
I
want to set the record straight. That interviewer baited me, and I
should have seen it coming.
Studios
won't hire you, even though you screwed the same whores and ate the
bullet for it. Yet they pull you aside at a party and say you're their
hero for the things you do.
This
is like a sober acid trip.
Usually
in a battle sequence when a bomb is going off, you forget you're acting.
I
don't think it's wise to dwell on regret. There's regret, sure. But
whatever you've done good or bad, is a part of who you are now. That's
the thing you can change and improve.
